40 years. 40 years since I last saw you. 40 years since I took for granted having my Dad on the planet. 40 years since I said "Dad" to you. 40 years since I wrote "Dad" in a card to you. 40 years for me to become a nurse, get married, have 2 children, gain a granddaughter. 40 years for me to get older than you were able to. 40 years of carving out a different Christmas. 40 years of hating the cemetery. 40 years of missing you. 40 years of loving you. 40 years of trying to learn to live without you. 40 years. Only the number of years changes, the feelings never will xxx